My first post

Setting : In the Music dimension with Aerosmith's "Dont wanna Close my Eyes".

A couple of days ago i was crying out to God to let me be the "Old me".. I was tired of the hatred,despair and disappointment that has engulfed my heart.. I just wanted to feel the calmness of being happy and in Love with everything around me.. I had forgotten what that feeling was like, especially after i set foot in the wretched place called my "College"..

I wanted to be "me", but, found no reason that would push me in that direction.. I was weary..... Even the wedding ceremony a few hours earlier that day couldnt shake off the rust that was in me... I was glad to see my long lost sweetheart, but somehow, the feeling of loneliness only deepened when i was next to her and i still realized the grave reality that i could never have her... As always had to be satisfied the Bittersweet memories... Back at home, well, since me and God are in good terms at the moment =P, things did seem to at least crawl forward.. 

It must have been around 2230 hours, when God answered my prayers.. As usual,since i have a delayed response to most ecstatic feelings, i didnt know how to react at first to unexpected lovely sms i received, i had to reply soon.. But, i got soo confused abt how i should phrase my feelings... I did blurt something in my mixed state of confusion and excitement. I had much trouble sleeping that night..well, obviously!!

I got up on a fresh sunday, i just went back to get my cell to see if it all was just a dream and it wasnt.. And the world somehow looked different.. The cool air of early morning, and the smell of the world around me was just awesome.. Yesterday was the best day Ive had in more than 3 years... I realized again that deep in my heart, i still have remnants of the Old flame that lighted my Life 6 years ago.. Though, now it was only based on a Hope Beyond Hope and the wishes of my Loving God in the heavens.... I knew I was just fantasizing... But i couldnt help the way i was Feeling...

It was one of those rare days in which i prayed, "God, i want to LIVE!!"

The next day, that's today, i went back to Gehenna, and though i tried as hard to stay that Lovely way filled with the Beautiful Hope, i was back were i started. I found myself being sucked into a black hole of hatred and anger.. All the Love drained out of me...  When will such a day ever come again??